Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
