I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
