He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
