I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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