His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
