im holly from the hills drunk
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
