I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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