now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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