I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
