we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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