Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
