I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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