I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
