do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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