let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
