You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
