Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
