She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
