My nipple is on Facebook.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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