is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
