He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
