Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize