got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
