I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
