yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
