you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
