By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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