....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
