My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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