Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
