He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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