this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
