They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
