Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
