happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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