i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
