Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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