I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
