we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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