I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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