Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
