i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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