but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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