I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
