I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Why did my mother make you get naked?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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