Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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