Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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