Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Randomize
