When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
