All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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