He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
