I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
